Cheaters Never Prosper

Wassup Readers! A subscriber of mine contacted me and asked if I could write and post an entry on cheating in reference to romantic relationships. Because I value each and every person that reads and responds to my blog, here you go.

Cheating is one of the most major causes that end relationships. Why do people cheat? From observation and even once being guilty myself, it's due to a person being greedy. Most people "want their cake and eat it to", is the most common quote associated with this dishonest act. Humans like options and choices. There are many things that can cause a person to cheat and while some of the reasons may seem valid, at the end of the day they aren't. The reason I say they aren't valid reasons for cheating is because if you had to deal with something you felt was that wrong that you needed to go out and cheat, you could have just as easy broke off the relationship and did your own thing.

Many people believe "once a cheater, always a cheater.". I don't agree with that quote, I think all people are capable of changing for the better, now whether they do or not is what one must ask them self.

Often the blame and daggers are thrown at the person cheating that's in the relationship, which a large amount should go to. But, I've always wondered why does the person who knows someone has a mate still pursue them? How do they feel knowing that they are a 2nd choice and can't even really be acknowledged. Often times the cheatee thinks that thje person will soon leave their mate to be with them, which chances are slim to none. And if in fact they do, can you honestly trust this person? They've been cheating on their last partner all this time with you, do you believe it won't happen to you? And for the cheater, can you trust this new partner when he/she was fine creeping with you while you were in a relationship. Clearly they don't value relationships between two people too strongly.

All these are things to consider. Never leave the one you love, for the one you like. Or do anything that may jeopardize your relationship and cause them to end up leaving you.

Feedback is always appreciated.

What If...

As humans we are always faced with options, at least two in most circumstances. Do I go right or left? Up or Down? In or Out? You get the point. And whichever option we choose, we're left sometimes wondering what if we would have chose the other route, so to speak.

We tend to most times take whichever route is safer and in a lot of circumstances this makes perfect sense. For example, when speaking of how to get home, safer sex methods, landing a job, etc., then yes go with the way that is most familiar.

But, I'm more-so writing about day to day interactions, affairs of the heart and other things such as that. When it comes to decisions such as those I think it is important to sometimes take the route that's not so safe.

You will never experience anything, unless you sometimes take chances. You could potentially end up passing over the one meant for you because you were scared to go against the grain. Whether it be you're nervous about what your family or friends will have to say? Their past. If you'll will click and hit it off? Go ahead and take the chance to find out. Who knows, you may meet the love of your life and be together for a long time.

This doesn't only apply to your love life, but other areas too. From the professional side, most businesses are scared to change their marketing techniques or advertising strategies because of the fear of losing profit. But, WHAT IF, the new advertising did just the opposite and actually increased revenue?

Another example, you woke up one morning and remembered a dream you'd had the night before. You go to the store to play your numbers and remember a number from that dream, but instead of playing it, you just play your same usual numbers. You watch television later on and the number from your dream comes out. What if you would have played it?

My point is that we miss out on a lot in life that we probably don't even realize because we are so worried about taking a chance. Daring to be different. You may miss out on a great opportunity simply because you chose to stick to the norm. You can't live your life scared to take chances and if you do then more than likely you will find yourself mumbling and/or thinking “what if...” all throughout it.

Skeletons In The Closet

I'm sure that most of my readers have heard the term, "everyone has skeletons in their closet" before. For those who haven't, wasn't sure of what exactly it meant, I'll break it down. Basically, what this phrase means is that everyone has done something in their past that they may not necessarily want folks to know about or have kept a secret.

This is such a true statement because everyone makes mistakes, life decisions that they aren't the most proud of when they look back on them and/or have did something that they probably shouldn't have. I'm a firm believer in the whole cliche' idea that "you should never regret anything in life, but simply take it as a life lesson and learn from it." That's really just because I'm very optimistic and always seem to find the positive of a situation, even when in the back of my head I may be cussing myself out for doing some dumb shit.

The purpose of this particular blog is to kind of provide some advice to folks on the whole skeletons in the closet thing. Far more times than often, I've seen where people have remained friends, associates, etc. with someone simply because that person knew so much about them or their past. They feel trapped. They feel as if I must keep a certain connection with this person because the moment that I excommunicate myself with them, they will tell everything they know. They will let those skeletons on out of my closet and I don't want that. I honestly felt like this up until recently.

It comes a point when you have to realize that life is an ongoing lesson. Each day you are subject to experiencing different things and learning different lessons. You won't always get it right and you may sometimes do things you aren't proud of, but that's life. At least, you can say you've done it and it's taught you something. But, when you continue to hold on to these folks simply because you are scared of what they may release you are giving them control and power over your life. Each day you are walking on egg shells, being fake or phony, just to hopefully keep them from releasing these bones.

You can't allow someone to have that much control over your life. What doesn't kill you, will only make you a stronger person. If they aren't good for you, get them out your life. If they let the bones out the closet, at least you no longer have them holding anything over top of your head. What people don't realize too often is that once the skeletons fall out the closet, they will lay there for a minute for folks to observe and then will be swept up and thrown away. Meaning people may be in shock, disappointed, mad or whatever it may be for the moment. But, life goes on and it will be old news within minimal time.

Moral of the story, you make your life decisions, not anyone else. Never let someone feel they have power over you because of something they feel they have hanging over your head. The only people you need in your life, are the ones that need you in theirs. And if they aren't helping you, they are probably hurting your personal growth in some way.

A Drunken Mind, Speaks A Sober Heart

I can remember since about the age of 13 hearing my older relatives often speak the phrase, "A drunken mind will speak a sober heart." I often wondered what the hell wee these folks talking about. How could a heart be anything other than sober and why would your mind be drunk? It wasn't until later on in life, that I discovered the meaning behind this phrase that I had been hearing throughout my adolescent years.

What the phrase means is basically that a person is able to say exactly what they are thinking, how they feel or what's in their heart when they are under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs. Often times people, men especially, are afraid of being vulnerable and/or expressing their true feelings toward issues, but get them drunk or high and they can be some of the most emotional beings you've ever witnessed.

The hard part is often determining, is this how they feel or if they are acting out of anger or spite. Or perhaps they are just really drunk and speaking out their ass. I think you are able to determine which of the choices it is by the way they deliver the content, the emotion in it and body language.

The sad part is that you can never get this same raw, uncensored, true emotion and dialogue from some people unless they are in a state of inebriation. I remember judging a person’s feelings for me off of how they acted and what they would say to me when they were drunk, simply because that was the only time they would open up. Sucks huh?

So do you agree with the phrase? Does it bother you that the only time you can get someone’s real feelings out, is when they are drunk? Should you take what a drunken person says seriously? Are these words actually coming from the heart? What are your thoughts?

What Makes A Healthy Realtionship?

Wassup Readers! I hope you enjoyed and learned something from my last post. I was requested to blog about a specific issue and because I love my followers, readers, etc. I'm granting the request. Enjoy!

I was asked to blog about, whether or not I would talk, date, enter into a relationship with someone who has been diagnosed with some type of incurable, long-term, or terminal disease; cancer, HIV, Lupus, Diabetes, etc. The following paragraphs are solely my personal views and take on the situation; you know yourself better than anyone and should make the decision best for you. I picked this title because a persons physical health isn't what necessarily makes the relationship unhealthy? There's a lot of other things that can be changed, that often times make the relationship unhealthy.

When getting to know people, more than often we don't necessarily ask questions about the person’s health. And if you are just getting to know someone then I personally don't feel that they are obliged to divulge their entire medical history to you. Now, when you begin actually dating and becoming intimate, I do believe that if there is any chance of the person potentially acquiring something from the other person, then it should be discussed prior.

Once this is disclosed, you then have to figure out a few things. One, before learning of the person’s health situation, were you really into them and wanted to pursue a relationship with them? Are you prepared for the task of possibly having to help them during times when their illness has them feeling under the weather? Are you able to deal with trips to the doctor/hospital if they occur? Are you prepared to possibly alter some of the activities that you normally participate in with your partner, if need be?

If you can handle these things and really like the person, than I say go for it, I would. I remember someone asking on twitter, "Would you date someone who had HIV?" My answer was yes because if I honestly like the person and am feeling them, then why not. If you are taking the proper precautions that you should be taking anyway, then what is the difference? I think a lot of folks have messed with people that may have some sort of illness and just never bothered to ask, therefore not knowing and ASSUMING that they are fine. So in one sense, it is almost easier when you know what you are dealing with, because you're not taking chances and getting caught up. Everyone deserves to be loved and if you are truly feeling someone than I don't think that certain things should play too big of a position in you continuing to. Research and find out about whatever the illness is and prepare yourself ahead of time. Like I mentioned earlier, I don't feel everyone is strong enough to deal with certain situations, but for those that are, go for it. Cancer, Lupus, HIV, Diabetes, etc., are not death sentences in this day and age and so it is possible for the two of you to have a healthy, long lasting relationship still. Don't miss out on someone that makes you happy and you can build something with, if you are able to deal with the situation at hand.

I'd love to see some of the responses of my readers of this. Would you date or pursue a relationship with someone who had some sort of illness? Why or Why not?

Stereotypes & Misconceptions

This entry will be a little different than any other blog entry I've posted thus far. As, you read, you may or may not agree. Enjoy.

For about as long as there have been people of different sizes, ethnicities, races, genders, sexualities and economic classes, there's been stereotypes. Stereotypes are developed when people generalize a group of similar individuals after observing or hearing of them doing something or acting out in some manner and then begin associating all similar people with those actions. Many people argue, "Some stereotypes are true", when in actuality they are not. In order for it to be true every person that you are labeling under that umbrella must have those same actions and or behavior that you are accusing the mass amount of people of.

Stereotypes are ignorant no matter who they are generalizing and pointing the blame to. We are all guilty of unconsciously stereotyping someone at some point in time, but what I'm writing about is the blatant ignorance and misunderstanding of those who know exactly what they are saying when stereotyping and labeling someone.

To move on to my entry for today, lately I've been receiving messages, reading on social networks and have had conversations with friends regarding the negative connotation associated with participants and patrons of the Ballroom Community. For my readers who are unaware of what the Ballroom Community is, please refer to www.youtube.com and type in Paris Is Burning. Or try googling LGBT Ballroom community or something of the sort. Any who, I've observed more than often, that when people find out that people are participants of Ballroom, also commonly called; ballroom kids, house kids, house queens, etc., they're attitude and demeanor towards them shifts in a negative way. People often associate Ballroom participants with crafting (credit card fraud, stealing, identity theft), being flamboyantly gay, having a lack of education, being unemployed, being drug users or working as prostitutes and escorts. In no way am I saying that the aforementioned things don't take place in the Ballroom Scene, but it is not done by everyone. In addition, I know many heterosexual and homosexual people that are non-ballroom that fit under many of those same categories.

The part that I find most funny about this topic, well not funny, but more so sad, is that the main people who judge, ridicule and/or shun the ballroom community are homosexuals themselves. Homosexuals are oppressed people as is, but yet they are broken down further to be oppressed by thee oppressed. I've heard some of the most feminine boys say "that's too gay for me", referring to the ballroom scene. Then, I see the same feminine boy in booty short and dancing bent over at the club. I like to refer to this as the "your gay is, gayer than mine" syndrome. This is when you have a homosexual judging another as if they are better because of some type of masculinity or other characteristic that they feel they have over the other homosexual that makes them better. It doesn't, you're both homosexuals.

The problem is actually the fact that they don't understand the ballroom scene or either just don't feel it's for them. These are two totally different things. If you find the scene is not for you and choose not to participate that is your choice. The problem comes in when people who don't understand it or choose not to participate want to judge the folks that do choose to. In most cases, these people have never attended a ball or met some of the quality people within the scene. But, because of what they've heard and seen a few ballroom participants do, they feel they have it all figured out and US all summed up.

It's funny because I received an anonymous message that stated, "You are so sexy, too bad you’re a house kid." I laughed profusely after reading the message and was puzzled as to why that was too bad and who was it too bad for? Surely not me. I'm sure this person knows nothing more about me than I'm cute and in the ballroom scene. Not knowing that while I'm participating in the ballroom scene and conquering my category, I'm also conquering life in the real world. I have my own and ask no one for anything, have a Bachelor's, not living at home, never been in legal troubles other than traffic violations, etc. But, yet all he seen was ballroom scene and labeled me as a pity. And I'm not the only one. Ballroom houses some of the most talented, educated, gifted, successful and creative people that I've ever met. His mistake.

I say all this to say, that you cannot generalize a whole group or population of people based off your experiences, observations or hearsay that has occurred in some. When you generalize and stereotype you are the one who looks ignorant, not them. The reason we will never be able to get anything done as a community is because we are too busy ripping each other apart to try and make ourselves look better. You've been oppressed yourself, so why oppress the folks going through the same struggles as you. This is no different than Black people and the whole light skin and dark skin issue.

Wake up people, ignorance is blast.

Baggage

With the new year rapidly approaching, I've heard and seen many people discuss new years resolutions, gym plans and weight loss objectives, etc. I haven't heard pratically anyone discuss baggage. I know many of you at this point are like WTF is he typing about now, but just hear me, well in this case, read me out.

Every year we sit around and discuss the changes that we plan to make in the new year. What we will do and what we won't. What we'll eat and what we won't. But, whoever says, "I'm going to let xyz know how I feel about them and what they did to me and finally be at peace with myself. Forgive them and start the new year fresh, without the baggage I'm carrying of having hostility towards them or some sort of redemption." What people don't realize is that while you are devoting so much attention to not liking someone, they're enjoying their day not thinking about you, or possibly not even knowing they did or didn't do something wrong.

I remember reading this chain letter email of a speech by T.D. Jakes titled, "Let It Go". It basically talks about not holding on to things and letting them go. It explains basically reinterates the age old saying that "if it's meant to be, it'll be." But, then also says that sometimes it's just not for you and you need to just "LET IT GO." It talks about not holding on to friends that, aren't aren't friends, etc.

So transitioning into the new year let's not focus so much on what we plan to do when it arrives and concentrate more on the steps to take to make sure it doesn't end up like every other year. So leave the excess baggage in 2009, not allowing it to weigh you down.

A new year, brings a new beginning. A new milestone, a chance for you to recreate and rebuild.