Baggage

With the new year rapidly approaching, I've heard and seen many people discuss new years resolutions, gym plans and weight loss objectives, etc. I haven't heard pratically anyone discuss baggage. I know many of you at this point are like WTF is he typing about now, but just hear me, well in this case, read me out.

Every year we sit around and discuss the changes that we plan to make in the new year. What we will do and what we won't. What we'll eat and what we won't. But, whoever says, "I'm going to let xyz know how I feel about them and what they did to me and finally be at peace with myself. Forgive them and start the new year fresh, without the baggage I'm carrying of having hostility towards them or some sort of redemption." What people don't realize is that while you are devoting so much attention to not liking someone, they're enjoying their day not thinking about you, or possibly not even knowing they did or didn't do something wrong.

I remember reading this chain letter email of a speech by T.D. Jakes titled, "Let It Go". It basically talks about not holding on to things and letting them go. It explains basically reinterates the age old saying that "if it's meant to be, it'll be." But, then also says that sometimes it's just not for you and you need to just "LET IT GO." It talks about not holding on to friends that, aren't aren't friends, etc.

So transitioning into the new year let's not focus so much on what we plan to do when it arrives and concentrate more on the steps to take to make sure it doesn't end up like every other year. So leave the excess baggage in 2009, not allowing it to weigh you down.

A new year, brings a new beginning. A new milestone, a chance for you to recreate and rebuild.

A Man Scorned

So as we become closer to facing the dawn of another year, 2010. I find myself still left with a new years resolution, if you will, that has yet to have been accomplished from the year before. Anyone, that is familiar with my blog knows that my blog focuses primarily on love, relationships and any and everything inbetween. And so does last years resolution. There's an old saying that goes like this "it takes two times the amount of time to fall out of love with someone, than it took to fall in love with them." This is so true and while I can say that I did accomplish my resolution for the most part because I have stuck to not looking back, as far as the physical goes. Somewhere almost a year later, there's emotional or psychological ties that still aren't completely gone. I know that I'm not definitely still in love, but the love I have is still stronger than need be. Nonetheless, that isn't what this entry is about.

So keeping in mind the above text, as I've laid in the bed the last few nights, I've thought about and even tweeted about my vengence, scornful ways and resentment that I now hold towards a certain someone and towards a species in general for the most part. I can honestly say after sitting back and evaluating things that I have categorized a whole species of people based off of not just one persons downfalls, but others that I've came in contact with, as well as some of my own actions. The resentment that I hold towards this person, I'm choosing to let go because until I'm willing to let that go, I can't truly move on without blaming the next.

I hate the fact that I've become this type of dude, a "maneater" if you will. It's hard for me at this point to show emotion for the fear of being hurt again. Instead, it's so much easier to just focus on the physical and as long as I keep it at that level, I feel I'm safe with nothing to worry about. "Get them, before they get you", is how some people see it. Please don't get me wrong, it's not that I haven't actually been feeling some of the folks I've come in contact with, but my past experience has a way of rearing it's fuckin' head and I see some type of similarity and I instantly "flip out", I guess you could say and then I shut down. It's like I almost don't know how to take someone that is genuinely caring about me and wanting to get to know me. I turn into this evil azz person if you try and get too close and it's not cool. But, my guards are only up, because they were once so far down. I take compliments as someone running game and instantly consider how to make sure that they don't get the best of me. It's crazy!

I can't believe I'm typing this and still am unsure if I will actually publish this cause I've never gotten this personal and eXposed this much of my life for complete strangers and well known associates as well to read. But, as I sat here and considered the folks whom I may have had a similar effect on I guess this was my way of getting it all out and somewhat giving an apology or an explanation of myself and why I act like I do.

So now that I've analyzed the situation and realize that I can't or shouldn't just keep making others pay for someone else's mistakes or loss, what's next? I mean it just seems so much easier to say it, then to do it. Like it's extremely difficult to just block out the similar patterns, the kind ways, miserable friends, ex's, early morning phone calls, "the too good to be true" type shyt, etc. I guess it's a take it one day at a time type of thing and try to remember that I can't blame the next one, for the last mistake. Just as I preached not to blame me for the last ones and hold me to those standards.

The Grass Isn't Always Greener

Often times it seems as if we as humans are always looking for the next best thing. Unable to just appreciate and be happy with what or who it is that we already have in our possession. This is not necessarily always a bad trait, depending on what it is pertaining to because in life you should always strive for better. However, when it comes to dating and relationships, this is not always the case. In addition, what might seem “better” is not always necessarily that.

A quote that comes to mind is, “everything that glitters, isn’t gold.” The reason I mentioned this is because far too often, people are caught up on the physical appearance of things and do not see things for what they really are. I can wrap an empty box up in the prettiest wrapping paper with a big red bow, nonetheless once you rip off that outer layer; it is still an empty box. This was stated to say, that once you get past the cute surface of a person, there is not always more to know on the inside. The sad part is some will risk being happy and loving the person they’re with, for that shiny box. I’ve been there before and many shiny boxes down the line, I got the point.

Another great quote, which deals with this issue, is, “the grass is not always greener on the other side.” This quote speaks volumes about life, love and relationships. People are so quick to throw away what they have with the idea that they are going to gain so much more from the next. A cute face, phat ass, nice body, full lips, etc. are all great features, but after all that what do you really have?

There’s a rule called the 80/20 rule, I am almost certain I’ve typed about it in a past blog, but am not positive. Any who, the 80/20 rule can be described as the following. Choosing to remain or pick the person that is giving you 80% of what you want and/or need to complete you; physical, emotional, spiritual, etc. Versus choosing the 20, which is only giving you 20% of what you want and/or need; generally fulfilling a simple aspect that your current isn’t.

I believe a big part of this is also greed and the human notion that we want what we cannot have. Well not necessarily can’t have, but have to work towards. We love a chase, but is that chase worth risking losing your current love? It is so much easier to take the time and get that 80% to 100%, by working on that 20% area that you’re having problems in. Rather than, take a chance on someone that is only 20% satisfying and has 80% of nothing to offer to you.

Hopefully, I’ve shed some light on the situation and have helped some folks out or at least enlightened. Remember, beauty fades, so if that’s what you’re chasing after, you will be running all your life. Find someone who satisfies you in every aspect. Much Love.

Insecurities

I've observed over the years that many relationships encounter problems due to the insecurities of one mate or both. It seems as though people jump into these relationships thinking that they will be able to conquer anything without logically evaluating things first. First, I don't care what anyone says, that whole "love will conquer all" BS is just that BS! Not saying I don't believe in love, I'm just a realist and it's somethings that even for love you can't take.

Secondly, most of the time these insecurites that these people have stem from one of two places; their own shortcomings or trust issues. When I say their own short comings, I'm speaking of them knowing that they are liable to cheat, flirt, etc. and so they automatically assume that their mate will too. Or they feel that in some area of life or within them self they are lacking or don't feel complete. This is common in the beginning stages of relationships when trust hasn't yet really been completely built. Although, in a perfect world you wouldn't be in a relationship before building that level of trust in the first place. In addition, trust issues lead to insecurities because of the simple fact they don't trust their mate.

Next thing you know you're checking myspace messages, going through text messages, facebook, twitter, etc. And if you have to monitor all of these things to be with someone, then what's really the point? You can't be with someone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week so do you honestly think that if they are looking to cheat they won't? A relationship requires trust, not insecurities.

In conclusion, before entering into relationships evaluate them prior. There's no need to get into a relationship and be insecure. Attacking everyone that speaks to your mate, messages them, comes in contact witht them, checking social networks, etc. is not the answer. It will only make you look like an insecure psychopath.

That DAMN 4 Letter Word!

You guessed it! LOVE! Webster defines love as 1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. 2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

Now while I don't exactly think a dictionary which is man-made and written can tell me what love is, the definitions are close to what I believe it is. Now this blog is not about what love is and what love isn't because to a certain extent it kind of depends upon the person.

This is more about people throwing around the word love and the catch phrase "I love you." I've blogged about a similar subject, which I touched on folks so quick to call folks their "lovers." But, this time around I want to touch on folks being so quick to tell everyone they love them and if they honestly mean it or not.

For instance, a trick as old as my ancestors is someone, generally a guy, telling someone they love them, just to get into their draws or their wallet. There's also those folks who use the phrase "I love you", simply because their mate, partner, shing, date, etc. said it to them first. People! You are not obligated to tell someone that you love them simply because they told you! Also, folks don't be so quick to believe that they love you if the first time you hear "I love you" is during sex, sometimes it can kind of just come out because of the activities taking place. And they don't actually love you but they love what you do! ;) I've been guilty of this one myself, LOL.

One of the reasons this came about is because of a discussion I recently had with someone and as they shared their story about a certain individual and the things they had told them, it sound ALL too familiar. And when I say this I don't say it as like same script, but different cast, I'm saying same script, same actor. So as I listen it kind of threw me for a loop like wow this must be routine for this person and from the looks of things it works everytime.

Moving on I tweeted about a week ago, "is it possible for someone to be IN LOVE with more than one person at a time?" The responses somewhat varied but for the most part it was a majority of "no's!" Personally, I agree! I think you can love more than one person, have love for more than one person, but you can't be "in love" with more than one person, but apparently some can.

Back to the starting point. Why exactly are people so comfortable with using the phrase "I love you?" Do you tend to do more for a person after hearing those words? Do you feel like you have become any closer than you were 5 hours before you first was told that from them? Thoughts and opinions.

Equality

Wassup Folks! It's been a minute since I've came through and have spoke with you'll, but here I am! What I wanted to blog about real quick today is equality. From assumption one would probably think that I'm speaking of equality as far as rights for races, sexes or genders, but this entry is actually about equality when it comes to friendship.

For quite some time now and more-so recently, I've been battling with myself of whether I really actually get back what I put into some of my friendships with people I consider close to me. Are friendships suppose to be completely equal in terms of getting back, what you're putting into them? Should that person be there for you, just as much as you are for them? Is it right that you are always there, on call when they need you, but they can hardly pick up the phone to text, IM or call just to say hey and how are you doing? Do you feel these are things that you should have to address to someone who is supposedly a close friend or is it an unwritten rule?

I find myself often putting up with a lot of BS that the average person wouldn't when dealing with "friends". Friends argue, have disagreements, etc., but at the end of the day they should still be there and any issues you'll have should be resolved between the two of you, correct? I will never understand people that are quick to turn to their next friend and bash the "friend" they aren't getting along with at the time, really don't understand it. But, many times I have rationalized the idea in my head to find a way that made it ok, simply because I didn't want to be "mean" and end a friendship because of comfortbility or because I felt they were an individual that needed me in their life. But, when does it become about self and not your friends? When do you put yourself first? Is it after it's clear that most of the folks around you definitely do, that you decide to do the same?

The easy solution is to cut these people off, because some it almost seems BLATANT that the friendship is very one-sided and is about their needs and you are their shoulder to lean on, but don't look to be offered the same treatment. The hard part is that when you truly love and care about individuals it's just not that easy to let go.

What's your thoughts on this? Should friendships be 50/50 or is there always that's going to give more in the friendship than the other?

Are You Really "In Love" or Just Infatuated?

More than often I hear people using the word "I'm in love with him/her" or "my lover" or "I love..." and this is usually after they've known the person 3-4 weeks and I always wonder how are you sure and how do you know you are in love with someone after such a short period of time? Now, I'm not trying to put a timestamp on how long it takes for someone to fall in love, but I just honestly don't understand how you know someone well enough within a month to know that you are in love with this person. What gets me even more is that when it doesn't work out, these folks generally bounce right back and move on so quickly and repeat this same process right over again.

I truly believe that a lot of people don't understand the difference between being infatuated with someone and being in love with them. They can sometimes be confusing to decipher, but there are ways to tell one from the other. Now I'm not saying that because you have been with this person for a month you are just infatuated with this person and you can't be "in love" with them. Because that's not the case, although I don't believe you're in love with them after a month either. Perhaps you "have love for them", but I doubt you are "in love" with them. Once again this is only my opinion, me personally am not quick to tell someone I love them quick. I remember denying that I loved someone when close friends of mine kept telling me I was in love with them, simply because I wasn't ready to admit it.

Infatuation is this strong emotion that makes you willing to do lots of things for a person and think about them constantly, but it's generally because you are so physically attracted to them and/or your physical sessions. But, besides the physical there is nothing there. If the person was to be burned severly and their image be altered tomorrow, would you still feel that strongly about them and want to BE WITH THEM and not just BE THERE FOR THEM. Once you're in love with someone, you are willing to go to the depths for them and be with them throughout any situation that transpires.

The word "love" in general is thrown around so loosely for some folks that I find it to be funny. I never have been one to just throw the word around for two reasons. One, I realize how powerful that word is and the emotions that it can cause for a person. Two, after seeing the movie "A thin line between love and hate", I wanted no parts of no psycho bitches! LOL. But, seriously though I just think people should evaluate their actual emotions and situation before being so quick to spit out the three words "I Love You". If this person is feeling you, they still will be, whether they hear that from you or not. Don't rush love, let it come natural because regardless of what you think, you can't make yourself love someone. And sometimes it's better off that you don't.

So with that said, think back to your prior dealings and ask yourself were you really in love with that person or were you infatuated with them or just had love for them?

Good Sex vs. Bad Sex

*cues* Salt N Pepa - Let's Talk About Sex

First and foremost, my apologies to my subscribers and readers it's been a minute since I posted. Let's just say maybe I began to get addicted to that drug I blogged about awhile ago, but I'm back. I chose to not post anything too deep tonight, and to save that entry for sometime tomorrow, but I needed to post something. This is a very fun loving topic!

So I've heard my friends and overheard others often talk about the good sex they've had and who has good sex and then I've also heard about those who have just the opposite; bad sex. I remember when I was younger I never really could decipher the difference over what was "good sex" and what was "bad sex", but surely as I got older I learned what was what for me, LOL.

I've asked my friends, what makes sex, good sex? And I've gotten many different responses, such as talking during the session, moans, positions, tightness, wetness, the actions like throwing it back, etc. The one thing many of them didn't mention is the love they have for that person. For some reason that really helps to make sex GREAT to me and plays a major role in my performance. Because if I love that person, I'm gonna try my best to please them to the best of my ability and make them know it. Whereas, if it's on some jumpoff type shyt then I am moreso there to complete my mission of getting mine and being done. Anywho, aside from the love aspect, I do agree that some of those other things I listed above help to make sex "good" sex!

Now I've also asked what can make sex, not so great. And have heard everything from the sound of voice they were moaning and talking in, odors, looseness, tightness, breath, sizes, etc. Once again I can agree with some of these as well. I'll go ahead and be honest and put it out there, I use to couldn't stand talking during sex, it was so porno like to me, LOL. It made it seem less realistic and more scripted or something. BUT, I learned that sometimes you can't help but to talk because the words just start flowing on their own and that's hot! LMAO! Nonetheless, I want to see what you'll have to say so be sure to leave a comment.

What makes good sex and what makes for bad sex to you?

Possession is 9/10s of the Law

Waddup Folks, it's been about a week and I'm due for a new blog entry. This morning I want to talk about possessions and "possessive people" (sometimes known as obsessive people). As I think back to child hood, I can remember... Well actually first let me break down something, which is known to citizens of the U.S. as the 9/10s possession law. According to the U.S. government and it's laws, possession is 9/10s of the law, meaning if you are caught or have something in your possession at the time, then it is yours, unless you can prove otherwise. Funny thing is this works the reverse way, if you are unable to prove that someone has stole, borrowed, etc. something of yours and it's in their possession lawfully it's theirs, sorry to say.

Anyway, back to thinking back to my childhood. As a child I remember my aunts and even my mother at times, getting into it with their childrens' fathers girlfriends or female acquaintances. They often felt that because they were in the picture before the new chick, they had the right or duty to do or say what they wanted. Felt that they were able to go to him for whatever purpose they wanted, when they wanted. Now, to a certain extent I do understand this if and when a child is in the picture because at that point, then there must be some means of communication. But, more than often I noticed lots of females that didn't have babies by these men and still were claiming them as "theirs". I've always found this to be funny seeming as though, they are not the boys mother, nor father so he can't possibly be "yours". I would sit and watch as the bickering between the ex and the current would go back and forth and how silly it really all seemed. The ex had usually moved on and at times even had a new boyfriend, but still found it necessary to want to claim possession over her last boyfriend. I often times wondered how did this make her current boyfriend feel? To know that you are with someone that is so busy meddling in another persons personal life? I at times felt sorry for the girls because I thought that maybe they really were just that in love with them and that they couldn't come to copes with the idea of letting go. But, then their actions always proved that this hypothesis couldn't be possible.

Let me stop for a moment to say I'm not being subliminal at all and these are real life experiences to lead up to my main point at hand.

On with the story... I found that this couldn't be the case because the girls wouldn't have had multiple boyfriends after the ex that "would always be theirs". And in between boyfriends they did what needed to be done to fulfill their sexual needs. So how could they have possibly been so madly and deeply in love with this boy they just couldn't seem to let live his life.

Fast forwarding, it wasn't until recently that I realized that this just isn't a girl issue and some men suffer from this same sickness, yes sickness. A friend of mine, by the name of Ciara tried to tell me that boys do the same thing, they just aren't as obvious, but some definitely are.

I personally have never been be an possessive ex, I tend to go by the saying that “their an ex for a reason.” Whether it be my fault or theirs. I think the possession tends to come in when you are the one that has done wrong and so you are aimlessly looking to rectify and restore the damage in which you have ensued upon the person. Nonetheless, theirs a way that a person should go about it because the wrong way generally only furthermore proves why you are where you're at.

What makes a person feel that they have a hold over someone? Or that, that person is not entitled to move on with their life when they definitely have done so? Is it really they love them that much or is it the fact that they are scared someone will provide them with all the things they neglected to? Are they that selfish that they can't put their own selfish needs to the side? How do you claim someone as yours?

Ladies and gentlemen, please be adults about situations. Communication is key. Usually it can avoid things from becoming unpleasant and unprofessional. If you want to know something, ask. If you have a problem with something, express it, but do so in a tactful manner. People will be much more receptive and you may just find out that they don't even want what's "yours"! ;)

But in ending, if possession is 9/10s of the law and the person isn't in your possession, do you really own them? Think about it.

Positive Energy

I thought I'd take the time to post about something other than love and relationships because there's so much more I want to share. What I've chosen to write about at this time is the importance of surrounding yourself with the likes of positive people.

Many people don't realize the effect that surrounding yourself with positive people can have on your life, as well as the effects being around negative people can have. Growing up everyone wanted to be a part of the "IN" crowd and be around the popular kids. Often times these were some of those most pessimistic and vain people you would ever come across. But, at that age you didn't realize this and wouldn't have cared, you were happy as long as you were being acknowledged by the cool kids.

As I matured I realized that these "cool" people, were often the ones really searching for acceptance. Think about it for a second, they were always cracking jokes at others expense, looking to get a laugh out of the folks watching. They had to have the latest everything, so that they would feel elite. Some even "dumbed" themselves down, so that they wouldn't look like the smart kid because that wasn't considered cool. So while we sat back trying to gain acceptance from the "cool kids", they were all the while trying to gain that same acceptance from us. Trying to be things at times they truly weren't.

After having a few more years of life experiences under my belt, it really came full circle to me. These same folks that are always so negative and nasty are contributing to me not reaching the full potential that I can. The people that you hang around will begin to rub off on you, believe it or not. So if you are surrounding yourself with negative energy and are constantly being exposed to negativity, your thoughts will become just that. But, when you surround yourself with other positive people, people with goals and plans in life, you become motivated and will attempt ventures that you may have never dreamed of. The sky becomes the limit.

I've come to the point in my life where I often will distance myself from certain individuals and will avoid them at all cost because at this point I'm looking to excel and don't need anyone that's going to hinder that intentionally or unintentionally. These folks that are constantly ridiculing and tearing others down are the same folks that aren't happy with themselves. Their constant comments of others flaws are used to camouflage thier own insecurities. They're bitter and don't want to see anyone else happy and if you allow them to do so, they'll turn you into a person just like them.

This was not suppose to be a long entry lol. Anywho, bottom line is... surround yourself with positive people that are doing things, planning to do things and have a positive outlook on life. As long as you breathe in negativity, you will be hindered from your full potential. In the words of AJ Calloway, "Love, Live, Life!"

Microwave Relationships

We as humans are in such a need for instant gratification that often times we are rushing for the quickest solution. One of the biggest areas that we often fall victim to this, is with relationships. Everyone wants to love and be loved, but doesn't want to take the time that needs to be put in. I hear people often talking about their "husband" or their "wife" and have only known these folks for 1 or 2 months. This amazes me. What I find even more disturbing is the ones that have fallen "in love" within that 1 to 2 month span of time. I really just don't understand it. People want that feeling of comfort to the point that they are willing to skip right pass the step of actually getting to know the person. They have sex or talk on the phone for a week and the next thing you know, they're a couple. What do you really know about this person that soon? A relationship is not as simple as a rice, you can't just add water! Or in this case, just add another human.

I look at people that are constantly in and out of relationships one after the next and it's no surprise because when have they actually taken the time to get to know these folks. Every week you hear them talking about "my man", or seeing a yahoo tag giving "blahzay blah with my baby". And it's like, who is it this week? Like really? I mean it is one thing to be grown and go into something with the initial intent of, "it is, what it is". If you are just looking to get ya rocks off, tell the person that, they probably are thinking the same. Everyone feels they have to be in a relationship to have sex. Sure that's a great philosophy, but everyone isn't built for that. And at the end of the day, when your relationship is over anyway in 2 weeks, what did you have besides sex in the end! Just be upfront! It's almost like females getting married, simply because they're pregnant. Don't set yourself up, simply because society tells you it's the "right" thing to do.

Long-lasting, healthy relationships are usually those that took time to be devloped; i.e. dating for an extended period of time, getting to actually know each other more than just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. By doing these things you learn enough about the person ahead of time, to know if you should be taking that next step to actually form a relationship. I too have been a victim of this jumping into a relationship thing, scared that if I didn't snatch them up then, someone else might get them. When in reality, if it was meant to be, I shouldn't have had anything to worry about.

I can honestly say that I've learned a lot over the past few months and will definitely make smarter decisions in the future. It took me being on both sides of the fence to understand exactly what I was going about wrong. I jumped into a relationship with someone and was lucky enough for it to be someone that would have actually gave me the world. But, I wasn't prepared or ready for that. I can admit that now. They're a great person, but as time went by I seen they weren't the one for me. In the end they were hurt, well me too, but moreso them because I couldn't do it. Had I took the time to actually get to know the person ahead of time, I would have discovered that we probably weren't for each other and would have been better off remaining friends like it originally started.

I get hit on fairly often and asked about dating, etc. And while most of the time I do decline, generally because I'm not feelings the person. But, more recently because I'm trying to actually take the time to get over the last person. I still take into consideration some of the people who ask and while at the time I'm saying "no", I don't necessarily count the person out for in the future. But, it's hilarious that within a day or so of me saying, "no", I can hear, "such and such are dating." And it makes me happy that I didn't give it a chance, cause it's like well I was just one of many their interested in. Not saying I feel someone should put their life on hold for me, but if you are coming to me talking about you're "really feeling me", "have so much love for me", etc., I could go on for days. Well then I don't expect to hear days or a week from me saying, "no, not right now" that you are doing whatever with X,Y and Z. Because nine times out of 10 something was already there when you just was trying to get at me a week ago.

Relationships take time, period! You can't jump into these quick relationships because someone is sexy, they have money, a car, etc. Because in the end, it won't mean anything and you'll be single again. Either because they found the next person which is sexier than you or has the bigger bank roll or you did. Get to know the person truly, for who they are inside and out. Now once that has been done and you could actually sit down and tell that person things about them, that they wouldn't even think you could and vice versa and you'll still are feeling each other, then maybe that next step should be taken.

So basically as long as you continue to jump straight into these relationships after a week or two of dating, you'll end up single wondering why things never work out. Think of a relationship more like cooking a turkey; you have to remove all the excess baggage first, then prep it, add the different ingredients to fit your style and taste, let it bake in the oven for x amount of time, and then finally it's ready to be ate!

Mannequins

Growing up I was always one of the cutest out of the folks I hung with. And I don't say this to be conceited and by the end of this entry you'll realize that. Anywho, I was always one of the cuter dudes and valued my great looks, I mean hey they came in handy.

As I got older, my appearance changed and my look matured, still attractive, turning heads, etc, etc. But, I began to see that there were a lot more attractive folks out here besides me and began to wonder what separates me from them. And me being a little cocky and conceited at the time, I first thought it was just my charm and that I looked better. Then, I thought about it again and realized that it was so much more that set me apart from the next cute face. I have my education, morals, goals, etc. The things that unless someone takes the time to get to know you, they'd never know.

Which brings me to my next point. So many people I come across that try to holla are these mannequins, if you will. That are attractive, nice bodies, smile, etc., but that's it. Beyond looks it's like, what else can you bring to the table? Most of them are getting by on their looks, or at least that's what they say. But, what happens when the looks leave? Beauty fades, incase you don't know. Then what? Being 30 years old and just beginning to start looking for work, isn't the best look.
And I'm not saying this to read anyone at all. I'm just wondering.

I'll be the first to say my mate needs to be attractive, BUT they also must have other things going for themselves and have goals. I've done the relationship thing with someone who was making it off of their "looks" and was "trying" to do better and was "about to start school." Funny thing is we've been broken up for quite a bit of time now and they're still unemployed and not in school. Which leads me to believe all the "trying" and "about to starts" were simply to satisfy me.

All I'm saying is, it's cute to be cute, fine, attractive, sexy, etc. But, if that's all you have going for yourself, you don't have much. Good looks can get you far, GOD knows they can! I have my personal testimony's, lol. But, once again at the end of the day, once they're gone, you'll be lost with nowhere to go. It's much more attractive to be attractive and have some type of career, education, goals, something going for yourself. Hell with all those other qualities, if your not the cutest, someone will still want you.

Please don't misconstrue this as me saying that you should do this to find a mate, because that's not the point. You should want to leave some kind of legacy behind, have accomplished something in life. Trophy pieces are cute, but so are monkeys.
So I don't know about anyone else, but being "cute", just aint cutting it no more!

Reminisce

Sooo...my latest blog is a poem, like to hear it, here it goes...

To be so close, but yet so far away.
Makes me think to back in the day.
Back to when it was you and me,
The way it was suppose to be.

But, things change, cycles revolve
Yet we're left still looking involved, playing along.
Still wondering where we went wrong.

I sit beside you as you sleep,
Makes me think back to when we use to......beep!
Then, I snap back to reality.
You moved on and am over me.
But, the reason why puzzles me.

Something I did? Something I say?
Just for a second, I think to back in the day.
When we told each other everything, feeling like Shirley Hemlock, As We Lay!

Play fighting and arguing,
leading to soft kisses and fondling.
Damn baby as I think about it, I miss all of it.

But, this is the past, and all I have is the last...
Last time we kissed, last time we touched, last time we f*cked
All of this I miss,
As I reminisce.

Birthday Sex

So I was riding in the car headed to DC and on the radio comes "Birthday Sex" by Jeremiah. And it made me start to reminisce about some "birthday sex" I had and have given. I love the song and after thinking about my birthday sex experience I loved it even more. The song is sooooooo on point and so was the sex! Lol. This is so not my regular type of post, but I figured I'd give you'll something a little light. And this was made to discuss my thoughts...

While I'm all for gifts from the heart, I'm not opposed to gifts from the other organs and parts! Lmao.

So who else out here has had some "birthday sex"? How was it? Was it better than a usual session?

Speaking of that, I want to rise another question. Do you believe the level of how good the sex is, is determined by how much you like or love the person? I find that my best sexual encounters have always been with the ones I've loved the most.

Thoughts, Opinions, Comments?

The Dating Game

So the separation has taken place and it's time to get back out there and test the waters. You know go fishing for all those fishes that people have told you are in the sea. You start flirting with folks, getting numbers, talking on the phone, etc. But, you can't help to compare these folks that you go on dates with to your last love. They're in the past for a reason, but you don't always realize that you're expecting these new folks to live up to the standards of the last, if not exceed them.

Nonetheless, you go on dates and find a few potential new boos. But, the baggage from your last situation is weighing heavily down on your decisions and actions with the new interest. Not to mention, that I feel almost obligated to conceal the new potentials from the ex situation. Not wanting them to attend certain events because of the fact I know the ex would be there. Something about the past and the present colliding. It can create somewhat of an awkward situation, but should I be worried about their uncomfortableness. Probably not.

So back to the dating. This being all new to me, I'm not really to sure of the rules. In the past it's just usually happened or I've rushed into things. I'm actually trying do the dating thing and am so confused. Do you let the datee know your dating others? Can you be mad that they have a profile on a dating/sex site? Do you hold any obligations to them?

These are all simply thoughts that past through this mind of mine. I already am over this dating thing, but the comfort that I once had is now nomore. Sooooo... let the games begin!

Lovers & Friends

As Ludacris, Lil Jon and Usher's song "Lovers & Friends" happen to start playing on the ipod which I have on random select, it made me begin to think. To think about what was, what is and what could have been. And then I began to wonder, should good friends ever cross over to becoming intimate? It is a huge risk of sacrificing a great friendship, if the relationship or intimate encounters don't work out, right?

I'm a firm believer that if you are attracted to someone, and I don't mean just physically, but emotionally as well then you should take a chance at love. Be sure to understand that I am saying attracted to each other and not you two think each other are attractive. There's a difference. I have attractive friends but rarely am I actually attracted to any. This logic seems to work for me most of the time because of the belief that in order to be a good lover, you need to first be a great friend. To me your lover should be your best friend and be someone that knows everything about you. So you would think that a good friend would be the answer, if you two are attracted to each other. Right? Hmmm...I don't know.

As I stated in the beginning while this good friend that knows you as well as you know yourself seems to be the perfect catch considering the physical, mental, emotional, etc., connection that you'll share with each other. There's the major chance that in the event this doesn't pan out, you will have screwed up a great friendship with this person. And as much as the two of you will try and pretend and act as if it hasn't, it has.

My iPod is a subliminal little bitch at times, because as I'm composing this Deborah Cox featuring RL - "We Can't Be Friends" comes on.

Which brings me to my next point. I'm not sure if you can really remain friends with someone that you are truly in love with or have really truly loved. Time has a way of healing all wounds and in time you'll can become cordial and polite, but friends is a bit much. One of the parties involved in the situation will hold some sort of resentment towards the other. Because as much as one will tell the other they were just as in love with them and the feelings were mutual, they probably weren't on the same levels. After all, you two aren't together for some reason, you didn't just fall madly in love and break up for the hell of it.

Ms. Cox song is so true because until you have honestly gotten completely over someone, a friendship won't work. You will feel some type of way seeing them show someone else a certain amount of attention, have animosity towards new dates of theirs when they've done nothing to you, find yourself getting mad hearing about them dating others, etc. I remember the very first time I went through this, I tried my hardest to cover it up like I was over it and had moved on, only to eventually spazz the fuck out from holding all this end. You may think that you're hiding it, but it shows and doesn't make things any easier.

It's not easy, but there's nothing wrong with taking a break from someone to get yourself back on track. Me and the person I first experienced this little life lesson with are actually now cool once again, but like I said it's never the same. And while I'm on round 2 of this episode, I still believe that a good friend, can make for a great lover. It takes time to have been thought completely through and determining if this attraction is something that will take your friendship to the next level, such as a relationship. If it seems as though it will amount to nothing more than just a fling, it's best for you two to save your good friendship and don't act on the attraction.

A few nights of pleasure, can definitely lead to heartache and pain, if you're not careful. So my only suggestion is make sure it's worth it. Because while it's possible to be lovers and friends, it's a bit less possible to be more than friends and then return to the friends stage.

The Most Addictive Drug In The World

I recently read two blogs on love and/or the lack thereof and they really seem to have hit home. I related to them so much in fact, that it inspired this one.

Love is a crazy emotion, everyone wants it, but hates what comes along with it. Love is like an over the counter drug, it can become additive. And yes, you can overdose on it as well. It definitely has side effects like any other drug, but often times as with real drugs, we pay the side effects no mind in search of taking (doing) whatever will relieve the pain (fill the void). I mean think about it, if there was this little voice that whispered, "Warning: He/She is subject to break your heart, lead you on, never commit, kill your wallet, fuck a friend or two of yours and then leave you high and dry." Would we still be so quick to fall?

Love can get you high and have you floating. Hallucinating, if you will. Just plain delusional at times. Love can have you seeing shit that isn't there or causing you to not see shit that you know is there! It can cause you to believe that as long as you have it, you don't need anything else in the world. But, all of the side effects aren't negative, in no way am I downing love. It can give you a feeling of completion and make you feel warm on the inside. Make you feel as though you have someone to share your every thought with and is always there by your side.

So now comes the rehab process. You're over taking the love drug and ready to move on, now what? You try to stop taking the drug (love) cold turkey first. Stop answering calls, messages, deleting pictures, etc. etc. You know the routine. So you find that this method isn't working and you try weaning yourself off of it. Try taking products like the nicorette gum (dating other people) to curve your appetite for the drug. You still take the drug, but are now trying to take it 1 time a day(text messages saying wassup, a quick phone call, myspace comment, etc.) instead of numerous times as before. You soon realize that, that gum is not helping you and is only a temporary fix and that the drug remains on your mind. So what is left to try now? How do you get over this substance that you've become addicted to and feel you can't live without? Do you try throwing it out the medicine cabinet completely? Do you keep it around and let it continuously remind you of the way it makes you feel and how good it once was for you? Or do you keep it around simply as a way to learn to cope without it, so when it presents itself again you'll be ready?

I really wish I could be your doctor and provide you with a quick and easy solution for this addiction, but truth is I don't think there is one. Trust, I've searched long and hard for it now and have relapsed a many times during this search. We always want the things that are bad for us because they make us feel good. And when it begins to make us feel bad, we're so caught up in, how good it made us feel for so long that we strive and strive for that first initial "high". But, any addict will tell you, you will never reach that high, that you first felt.

As for me, I've poured all the pills in the bottle down the drain, but often go inside the cabinet and stare at the empty bottle and reminisce quickly of how full it use to be with a substance that controlled me. Still have one pill stashed in a secret place, "just in case" and am hoping I don't get it out. But, hey you're always just one pill away from relapsing.

Trust

One of the biggest attributes that we search for whether it be a relationship, friendship or anything else along those lines is TRUST! Trust is a quality that so many demand out of people, but don't always necessarily show that they deserve it.

For the longest I was the type of person that went with the philosophy of trusting everyone, until they gave me a reason not to. I've changed my mind about that perspective some time back now. And while I don't give everyone that trust factor, I do still execute it to some. The funny thing about trust is that as quick as someone has earned it, they can lose it, just as fast. The whole issue of trust makes it completely difficult when trying to find friends or a potential lover. Being that you've already been through so much in the past, you often have already categorized these people into some type of group in your head and have already determined why you don't intend to trust them. We all try not to be guilty of this action but it's very subconcious and natural. I can admit to the fact that I really don't trust many people and can count on one hand the amount of people I'd trust with my most secretive information. It's not that I don't want to, but I can't!

We all have "friends", but how many do you really talk to about ANYTHING that concerns you? I know personally I don't. It's not that I don't necessarily trust them, but then again maybe it is. I have 3 folks in my life that I do feel I can trust to tell anything to and don't have to worry about it going any further, but is 3 out of 9 friends really that great? At times I think I over analyze situations or just see things different from others, nonetheless it generally leads to distrust.

What do you do when you no longer trust a friend? Do you stop dealing with them completely? Keep certain parts of your life from them and continue to be "friends" or what? More than often I choose to remain "friends" and just refrain from releasing anything that I value as confidential information. They'll ask me why don't we talk as much as we use to? Or something to that extent and honestly it's due to me feeling that they've compromised our friendship in one way or another and I don't trust them, point blank. But, is that necessarily the way to go about it? I think we tend to hold onto friendships at times simply because we've become comfortable and may love this person or don't want to hurt their feelings. What about your own feelings? If you can't trust this person, why are they really there? What's the point?

Introducing Duante B.

Wassup World! Just wanted to formally, informally introduce you to myself and my blog. My name is Duante' B., a young, talented, educated and goal oriented black man. I decided to create this blog after being inspired by a friend of mines blog.

I have a passion for writing and use to write and create poetry quite frequently some time ago, but lost the drive somewhere down the road. I've decided to return to one of the things I love the most; writing.

My blog will basically be about me and my thoughts, feelings and perspectives on things, hence the title: Inside The Mind of Duante' B. You will definitely learn a lot about me through my published works on this blog.

Feel free to comment on any of my blogs, as well.