Possession is 9/10s of the Law

Waddup Folks, it's been about a week and I'm due for a new blog entry. This morning I want to talk about possessions and "possessive people" (sometimes known as obsessive people). As I think back to child hood, I can remember... Well actually first let me break down something, which is known to citizens of the U.S. as the 9/10s possession law. According to the U.S. government and it's laws, possession is 9/10s of the law, meaning if you are caught or have something in your possession at the time, then it is yours, unless you can prove otherwise. Funny thing is this works the reverse way, if you are unable to prove that someone has stole, borrowed, etc. something of yours and it's in their possession lawfully it's theirs, sorry to say.

Anyway, back to thinking back to my childhood. As a child I remember my aunts and even my mother at times, getting into it with their childrens' fathers girlfriends or female acquaintances. They often felt that because they were in the picture before the new chick, they had the right or duty to do or say what they wanted. Felt that they were able to go to him for whatever purpose they wanted, when they wanted. Now, to a certain extent I do understand this if and when a child is in the picture because at that point, then there must be some means of communication. But, more than often I noticed lots of females that didn't have babies by these men and still were claiming them as "theirs". I've always found this to be funny seeming as though, they are not the boys mother, nor father so he can't possibly be "yours". I would sit and watch as the bickering between the ex and the current would go back and forth and how silly it really all seemed. The ex had usually moved on and at times even had a new boyfriend, but still found it necessary to want to claim possession over her last boyfriend. I often times wondered how did this make her current boyfriend feel? To know that you are with someone that is so busy meddling in another persons personal life? I at times felt sorry for the girls because I thought that maybe they really were just that in love with them and that they couldn't come to copes with the idea of letting go. But, then their actions always proved that this hypothesis couldn't be possible.

Let me stop for a moment to say I'm not being subliminal at all and these are real life experiences to lead up to my main point at hand.

On with the story... I found that this couldn't be the case because the girls wouldn't have had multiple boyfriends after the ex that "would always be theirs". And in between boyfriends they did what needed to be done to fulfill their sexual needs. So how could they have possibly been so madly and deeply in love with this boy they just couldn't seem to let live his life.

Fast forwarding, it wasn't until recently that I realized that this just isn't a girl issue and some men suffer from this same sickness, yes sickness. A friend of mine, by the name of Ciara tried to tell me that boys do the same thing, they just aren't as obvious, but some definitely are.

I personally have never been be an possessive ex, I tend to go by the saying that “their an ex for a reason.” Whether it be my fault or theirs. I think the possession tends to come in when you are the one that has done wrong and so you are aimlessly looking to rectify and restore the damage in which you have ensued upon the person. Nonetheless, theirs a way that a person should go about it because the wrong way generally only furthermore proves why you are where you're at.

What makes a person feel that they have a hold over someone? Or that, that person is not entitled to move on with their life when they definitely have done so? Is it really they love them that much or is it the fact that they are scared someone will provide them with all the things they neglected to? Are they that selfish that they can't put their own selfish needs to the side? How do you claim someone as yours?

Ladies and gentlemen, please be adults about situations. Communication is key. Usually it can avoid things from becoming unpleasant and unprofessional. If you want to know something, ask. If you have a problem with something, express it, but do so in a tactful manner. People will be much more receptive and you may just find out that they don't even want what's "yours"! ;)

But in ending, if possession is 9/10s of the law and the person isn't in your possession, do you really own them? Think about it.

Positive Energy

I thought I'd take the time to post about something other than love and relationships because there's so much more I want to share. What I've chosen to write about at this time is the importance of surrounding yourself with the likes of positive people.

Many people don't realize the effect that surrounding yourself with positive people can have on your life, as well as the effects being around negative people can have. Growing up everyone wanted to be a part of the "IN" crowd and be around the popular kids. Often times these were some of those most pessimistic and vain people you would ever come across. But, at that age you didn't realize this and wouldn't have cared, you were happy as long as you were being acknowledged by the cool kids.

As I matured I realized that these "cool" people, were often the ones really searching for acceptance. Think about it for a second, they were always cracking jokes at others expense, looking to get a laugh out of the folks watching. They had to have the latest everything, so that they would feel elite. Some even "dumbed" themselves down, so that they wouldn't look like the smart kid because that wasn't considered cool. So while we sat back trying to gain acceptance from the "cool kids", they were all the while trying to gain that same acceptance from us. Trying to be things at times they truly weren't.

After having a few more years of life experiences under my belt, it really came full circle to me. These same folks that are always so negative and nasty are contributing to me not reaching the full potential that I can. The people that you hang around will begin to rub off on you, believe it or not. So if you are surrounding yourself with negative energy and are constantly being exposed to negativity, your thoughts will become just that. But, when you surround yourself with other positive people, people with goals and plans in life, you become motivated and will attempt ventures that you may have never dreamed of. The sky becomes the limit.

I've come to the point in my life where I often will distance myself from certain individuals and will avoid them at all cost because at this point I'm looking to excel and don't need anyone that's going to hinder that intentionally or unintentionally. These folks that are constantly ridiculing and tearing others down are the same folks that aren't happy with themselves. Their constant comments of others flaws are used to camouflage thier own insecurities. They're bitter and don't want to see anyone else happy and if you allow them to do so, they'll turn you into a person just like them.

This was not suppose to be a long entry lol. Anywho, bottom line is... surround yourself with positive people that are doing things, planning to do things and have a positive outlook on life. As long as you breathe in negativity, you will be hindered from your full potential. In the words of AJ Calloway, "Love, Live, Life!"

Microwave Relationships

We as humans are in such a need for instant gratification that often times we are rushing for the quickest solution. One of the biggest areas that we often fall victim to this, is with relationships. Everyone wants to love and be loved, but doesn't want to take the time that needs to be put in. I hear people often talking about their "husband" or their "wife" and have only known these folks for 1 or 2 months. This amazes me. What I find even more disturbing is the ones that have fallen "in love" within that 1 to 2 month span of time. I really just don't understand it. People want that feeling of comfort to the point that they are willing to skip right pass the step of actually getting to know the person. They have sex or talk on the phone for a week and the next thing you know, they're a couple. What do you really know about this person that soon? A relationship is not as simple as a rice, you can't just add water! Or in this case, just add another human.

I look at people that are constantly in and out of relationships one after the next and it's no surprise because when have they actually taken the time to get to know these folks. Every week you hear them talking about "my man", or seeing a yahoo tag giving "blahzay blah with my baby". And it's like, who is it this week? Like really? I mean it is one thing to be grown and go into something with the initial intent of, "it is, what it is". If you are just looking to get ya rocks off, tell the person that, they probably are thinking the same. Everyone feels they have to be in a relationship to have sex. Sure that's a great philosophy, but everyone isn't built for that. And at the end of the day, when your relationship is over anyway in 2 weeks, what did you have besides sex in the end! Just be upfront! It's almost like females getting married, simply because they're pregnant. Don't set yourself up, simply because society tells you it's the "right" thing to do.

Long-lasting, healthy relationships are usually those that took time to be devloped; i.e. dating for an extended period of time, getting to actually know each other more than just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. By doing these things you learn enough about the person ahead of time, to know if you should be taking that next step to actually form a relationship. I too have been a victim of this jumping into a relationship thing, scared that if I didn't snatch them up then, someone else might get them. When in reality, if it was meant to be, I shouldn't have had anything to worry about.

I can honestly say that I've learned a lot over the past few months and will definitely make smarter decisions in the future. It took me being on both sides of the fence to understand exactly what I was going about wrong. I jumped into a relationship with someone and was lucky enough for it to be someone that would have actually gave me the world. But, I wasn't prepared or ready for that. I can admit that now. They're a great person, but as time went by I seen they weren't the one for me. In the end they were hurt, well me too, but moreso them because I couldn't do it. Had I took the time to actually get to know the person ahead of time, I would have discovered that we probably weren't for each other and would have been better off remaining friends like it originally started.

I get hit on fairly often and asked about dating, etc. And while most of the time I do decline, generally because I'm not feelings the person. But, more recently because I'm trying to actually take the time to get over the last person. I still take into consideration some of the people who ask and while at the time I'm saying "no", I don't necessarily count the person out for in the future. But, it's hilarious that within a day or so of me saying, "no", I can hear, "such and such are dating." And it makes me happy that I didn't give it a chance, cause it's like well I was just one of many their interested in. Not saying I feel someone should put their life on hold for me, but if you are coming to me talking about you're "really feeling me", "have so much love for me", etc., I could go on for days. Well then I don't expect to hear days or a week from me saying, "no, not right now" that you are doing whatever with X,Y and Z. Because nine times out of 10 something was already there when you just was trying to get at me a week ago.

Relationships take time, period! You can't jump into these quick relationships because someone is sexy, they have money, a car, etc. Because in the end, it won't mean anything and you'll be single again. Either because they found the next person which is sexier than you or has the bigger bank roll or you did. Get to know the person truly, for who they are inside and out. Now once that has been done and you could actually sit down and tell that person things about them, that they wouldn't even think you could and vice versa and you'll still are feeling each other, then maybe that next step should be taken.

So basically as long as you continue to jump straight into these relationships after a week or two of dating, you'll end up single wondering why things never work out. Think of a relationship more like cooking a turkey; you have to remove all the excess baggage first, then prep it, add the different ingredients to fit your style and taste, let it bake in the oven for x amount of time, and then finally it's ready to be ate!

Mannequins

Growing up I was always one of the cutest out of the folks I hung with. And I don't say this to be conceited and by the end of this entry you'll realize that. Anywho, I was always one of the cuter dudes and valued my great looks, I mean hey they came in handy.

As I got older, my appearance changed and my look matured, still attractive, turning heads, etc, etc. But, I began to see that there were a lot more attractive folks out here besides me and began to wonder what separates me from them. And me being a little cocky and conceited at the time, I first thought it was just my charm and that I looked better. Then, I thought about it again and realized that it was so much more that set me apart from the next cute face. I have my education, morals, goals, etc. The things that unless someone takes the time to get to know you, they'd never know.

Which brings me to my next point. So many people I come across that try to holla are these mannequins, if you will. That are attractive, nice bodies, smile, etc., but that's it. Beyond looks it's like, what else can you bring to the table? Most of them are getting by on their looks, or at least that's what they say. But, what happens when the looks leave? Beauty fades, incase you don't know. Then what? Being 30 years old and just beginning to start looking for work, isn't the best look.
And I'm not saying this to read anyone at all. I'm just wondering.

I'll be the first to say my mate needs to be attractive, BUT they also must have other things going for themselves and have goals. I've done the relationship thing with someone who was making it off of their "looks" and was "trying" to do better and was "about to start school." Funny thing is we've been broken up for quite a bit of time now and they're still unemployed and not in school. Which leads me to believe all the "trying" and "about to starts" were simply to satisfy me.

All I'm saying is, it's cute to be cute, fine, attractive, sexy, etc. But, if that's all you have going for yourself, you don't have much. Good looks can get you far, GOD knows they can! I have my personal testimony's, lol. But, once again at the end of the day, once they're gone, you'll be lost with nowhere to go. It's much more attractive to be attractive and have some type of career, education, goals, something going for yourself. Hell with all those other qualities, if your not the cutest, someone will still want you.

Please don't misconstrue this as me saying that you should do this to find a mate, because that's not the point. You should want to leave some kind of legacy behind, have accomplished something in life. Trophy pieces are cute, but so are monkeys.
So I don't know about anyone else, but being "cute", just aint cutting it no more!

Reminisce

Sooo...my latest blog is a poem, like to hear it, here it goes...

To be so close, but yet so far away.
Makes me think to back in the day.
Back to when it was you and me,
The way it was suppose to be.

But, things change, cycles revolve
Yet we're left still looking involved, playing along.
Still wondering where we went wrong.

I sit beside you as you sleep,
Makes me think back to when we use to......beep!
Then, I snap back to reality.
You moved on and am over me.
But, the reason why puzzles me.

Something I did? Something I say?
Just for a second, I think to back in the day.
When we told each other everything, feeling like Shirley Hemlock, As We Lay!

Play fighting and arguing,
leading to soft kisses and fondling.
Damn baby as I think about it, I miss all of it.

But, this is the past, and all I have is the last...
Last time we kissed, last time we touched, last time we f*cked
All of this I miss,
As I reminisce.

Birthday Sex

So I was riding in the car headed to DC and on the radio comes "Birthday Sex" by Jeremiah. And it made me start to reminisce about some "birthday sex" I had and have given. I love the song and after thinking about my birthday sex experience I loved it even more. The song is sooooooo on point and so was the sex! Lol. This is so not my regular type of post, but I figured I'd give you'll something a little light. And this was made to discuss my thoughts...

While I'm all for gifts from the heart, I'm not opposed to gifts from the other organs and parts! Lmao.

So who else out here has had some "birthday sex"? How was it? Was it better than a usual session?

Speaking of that, I want to rise another question. Do you believe the level of how good the sex is, is determined by how much you like or love the person? I find that my best sexual encounters have always been with the ones I've loved the most.

Thoughts, Opinions, Comments?

The Dating Game

So the separation has taken place and it's time to get back out there and test the waters. You know go fishing for all those fishes that people have told you are in the sea. You start flirting with folks, getting numbers, talking on the phone, etc. But, you can't help to compare these folks that you go on dates with to your last love. They're in the past for a reason, but you don't always realize that you're expecting these new folks to live up to the standards of the last, if not exceed them.

Nonetheless, you go on dates and find a few potential new boos. But, the baggage from your last situation is weighing heavily down on your decisions and actions with the new interest. Not to mention, that I feel almost obligated to conceal the new potentials from the ex situation. Not wanting them to attend certain events because of the fact I know the ex would be there. Something about the past and the present colliding. It can create somewhat of an awkward situation, but should I be worried about their uncomfortableness. Probably not.

So back to the dating. This being all new to me, I'm not really to sure of the rules. In the past it's just usually happened or I've rushed into things. I'm actually trying do the dating thing and am so confused. Do you let the datee know your dating others? Can you be mad that they have a profile on a dating/sex site? Do you hold any obligations to them?

These are all simply thoughts that past through this mind of mine. I already am over this dating thing, but the comfort that I once had is now nomore. Sooooo... let the games begin!