Who Loves Who More?

Last Sunday evening, while posted up against a brownstone in New York City, a few friends and I had a conversation about life, goals, aspirations and of course love/relationships. One part of the conversation, specifically stuck out from everything else mentioned and although I read about this awhile ago, it made ten times more sense when hearing it this second time. What one of them said was, "there will always be one mate who loves the other more.".

Most people would relate this person to be the more submissive partner and/or the female in the relationship, but that's not necessarily true. The person who "loves more" isn't characterized by their income, sexual role, educational background or sex. The person who "loves more" can't be put into any kind of categorical theory. They're simply the person who's feelings are more attached and involved with that other individual.

As I stated above, you can not pinpoint who this person is by demographics. However, there are certain traits or behaviors that these people usually possess that let a person know who's more in love out of the two. Below, are some of the signs of the mate who loves the other more:

1. The person who is always willing to forgive and forget, even when they know they're not in the wrong.

2. The person whom is more likely to want and spend time with just their mate, versus hanging out with friends or doing group activities.

3. The person who is always willing to go through the most extreme measures to make their mate happy.

4. The person who has and is willing to sacrifice the most in order to make the relationship work.

5. The person willing to postpone their life plans if needed just to accommodate yours and life for the two of you.

Looking at this list can make you almost scared to want to be in love, but it shouldn't. Most people would probably say that the examples listed above are behaviors of a weak individual or someone who is "whipped", not the case necessarily in every case. Some people are just simply more compassionate, more intimate and more understanding. They're doing what comes natural to them for someone they love. If their mate is doing their part and they're happy, then there's nothing wrong with it.

However, if the mate isn't doing what they're suppose to and the person is not happy then the above can be labeled as signs of weakness. Love is an emotion which has the ability to make a person weak, temporarily. After a certain period of time, its no longer love which is making you weak, but yourself. That's totally different and a whole other subject for another blog.

In no way is this blog meant to put down the mate that loves the other more. In all actuality, I salute you and dedicate this blog to you. You are the glue that hold the pieces together. But, never stop chasing your dreams in order to chase someone.

Who Are You In The Equation?

There was a quote on “Why Did I Get Married Too” that really stood out to me and I've had it semi stuck in my head ever since. Sheila tells Troy, “It's so hard to be with a good man, after being with a bad one.” Troy responds, “It's even harder to be with a good woman, after she's had a bad man.”

The two quotes make so much sense to me and I think Tyler Perry was on point for including them in the script. We don't often realize the struggle that one party is going through, or we realize but may make light of it. Either we think well I'm here to fill this void and treat them the way they should be. Or on the flip side, give the person a hard time, act unappreciative and respond as if they owe it to us to be a certain way, as if they're the one that hurt us and have to compensate for it. I've experienced these situations from both Sheila and Troy's point of views and can honestly say that what they said was nothing but the truth!

First, from Sheila's point of view, I can relate because after dealing with someone that's no good, you tend to look at dating and potential partners in a different way. It's generally nothing that the new person has done, it's simply due to being hurt previously. The slightest similarity that you see in a potential date that can be compared to your last partner, will make you nervous, scared, upset and probably cause you to back away. Your guard is always up and you could end up losing out on someone that treats you how you want to be treated. You've been hurt so much that you don't realize when you're being treated good. It sounds crazy, but after being treated a certain way for an amount of time, you get used to it and it becomes the norm. So the instance someone treats you good, the way you should be treated, you get defensive and suspicious.

On the flip-side, I understand Troy's response as well. Mainly because dealing with someone who has been hurt or scorned is hard and can be extremely aggravating. You find yourself at battle to prove that you aren't their last woman/man and that you're different. Unfortunately, words don't usually suffice to prove this and at times neither do actions. It becomes a point where you will ask yourself, do you really care that much about the person to wait for them to come around or should you just give up and give them their space.

There's a third part to this and while Tyler Perry kept it very peachy and cream and left it out the movie, more than often this little part is included in real life. The third part is that we sometimes use both of the aforementioned situations as crutches or excuses, when really we just don't want to be bothered with someone. In the past, I can remember several times when I've used the excuse, “I'm still hurt from the last person I dealt with.” Sometimes this will result in what you wanted and the person will leave you alone. Other times, the person will continue to show interest and attempt to be your “Troy” and walk through the healing process with you. Meanwhile, you are just not interested in the person, but don't want to come out and tell them. Back then my logic was always that, if I was to come right out and tell them, I'm not interested, that I'd hurt their feelings and mess up a potential or existing friendship. But, when you think about it, they'll be more over it when they realize they've wasted so much of their time trying to be there for you and you didn't want them there. So now I try to just be upfront and truthful and let them know the deal from the gate, to avoid this. The first approach can be detrimental to friendships and other types of relationships.

So which do you think is worst: 1.) Having a good man/woman after being hurt by a bad one. 2.) Having a good man/woman, after they've been hurt by a bad one. OR 3.) Being somewhere stuck in the middle not knowing which way to turn?

Comments/Questions/Concerns Appreciated.

I'm Back

Wassup Subscribers, Readers, Fans, Friends and Fam! It is I, Duante', checking in. I know it's been awhile and I've been slacking, but I've been living life and learning lessons. Which on the good side means more blogs to post because I post from experience. This post isn't too deep, just wanted to say hello to everyone. Thank you for being a loyal reader and sticking with me through this journey called, “life”.