Lovers & Friends

As Ludacris, Lil Jon and Usher's song "Lovers & Friends" happen to start playing on the ipod which I have on random select, it made me begin to think. To think about what was, what is and what could have been. And then I began to wonder, should good friends ever cross over to becoming intimate? It is a huge risk of sacrificing a great friendship, if the relationship or intimate encounters don't work out, right?

I'm a firm believer that if you are attracted to someone, and I don't mean just physically, but emotionally as well then you should take a chance at love. Be sure to understand that I am saying attracted to each other and not you two think each other are attractive. There's a difference. I have attractive friends but rarely am I actually attracted to any. This logic seems to work for me most of the time because of the belief that in order to be a good lover, you need to first be a great friend. To me your lover should be your best friend and be someone that knows everything about you. So you would think that a good friend would be the answer, if you two are attracted to each other. Right? Hmmm...I don't know.

As I stated in the beginning while this good friend that knows you as well as you know yourself seems to be the perfect catch considering the physical, mental, emotional, etc., connection that you'll share with each other. There's the major chance that in the event this doesn't pan out, you will have screwed up a great friendship with this person. And as much as the two of you will try and pretend and act as if it hasn't, it has.

My iPod is a subliminal little bitch at times, because as I'm composing this Deborah Cox featuring RL - "We Can't Be Friends" comes on.

Which brings me to my next point. I'm not sure if you can really remain friends with someone that you are truly in love with or have really truly loved. Time has a way of healing all wounds and in time you'll can become cordial and polite, but friends is a bit much. One of the parties involved in the situation will hold some sort of resentment towards the other. Because as much as one will tell the other they were just as in love with them and the feelings were mutual, they probably weren't on the same levels. After all, you two aren't together for some reason, you didn't just fall madly in love and break up for the hell of it.

Ms. Cox song is so true because until you have honestly gotten completely over someone, a friendship won't work. You will feel some type of way seeing them show someone else a certain amount of attention, have animosity towards new dates of theirs when they've done nothing to you, find yourself getting mad hearing about them dating others, etc. I remember the very first time I went through this, I tried my hardest to cover it up like I was over it and had moved on, only to eventually spazz the fuck out from holding all this end. You may think that you're hiding it, but it shows and doesn't make things any easier.

It's not easy, but there's nothing wrong with taking a break from someone to get yourself back on track. Me and the person I first experienced this little life lesson with are actually now cool once again, but like I said it's never the same. And while I'm on round 2 of this episode, I still believe that a good friend, can make for a great lover. It takes time to have been thought completely through and determining if this attraction is something that will take your friendship to the next level, such as a relationship. If it seems as though it will amount to nothing more than just a fling, it's best for you two to save your good friendship and don't act on the attraction.

A few nights of pleasure, can definitely lead to heartache and pain, if you're not careful. So my only suggestion is make sure it's worth it. Because while it's possible to be lovers and friends, it's a bit less possible to be more than friends and then return to the friends stage.

The Most Addictive Drug In The World

I recently read two blogs on love and/or the lack thereof and they really seem to have hit home. I related to them so much in fact, that it inspired this one.

Love is a crazy emotion, everyone wants it, but hates what comes along with it. Love is like an over the counter drug, it can become additive. And yes, you can overdose on it as well. It definitely has side effects like any other drug, but often times as with real drugs, we pay the side effects no mind in search of taking (doing) whatever will relieve the pain (fill the void). I mean think about it, if there was this little voice that whispered, "Warning: He/She is subject to break your heart, lead you on, never commit, kill your wallet, fuck a friend or two of yours and then leave you high and dry." Would we still be so quick to fall?

Love can get you high and have you floating. Hallucinating, if you will. Just plain delusional at times. Love can have you seeing shit that isn't there or causing you to not see shit that you know is there! It can cause you to believe that as long as you have it, you don't need anything else in the world. But, all of the side effects aren't negative, in no way am I downing love. It can give you a feeling of completion and make you feel warm on the inside. Make you feel as though you have someone to share your every thought with and is always there by your side.

So now comes the rehab process. You're over taking the love drug and ready to move on, now what? You try to stop taking the drug (love) cold turkey first. Stop answering calls, messages, deleting pictures, etc. etc. You know the routine. So you find that this method isn't working and you try weaning yourself off of it. Try taking products like the nicorette gum (dating other people) to curve your appetite for the drug. You still take the drug, but are now trying to take it 1 time a day(text messages saying wassup, a quick phone call, myspace comment, etc.) instead of numerous times as before. You soon realize that, that gum is not helping you and is only a temporary fix and that the drug remains on your mind. So what is left to try now? How do you get over this substance that you've become addicted to and feel you can't live without? Do you try throwing it out the medicine cabinet completely? Do you keep it around and let it continuously remind you of the way it makes you feel and how good it once was for you? Or do you keep it around simply as a way to learn to cope without it, so when it presents itself again you'll be ready?

I really wish I could be your doctor and provide you with a quick and easy solution for this addiction, but truth is I don't think there is one. Trust, I've searched long and hard for it now and have relapsed a many times during this search. We always want the things that are bad for us because they make us feel good. And when it begins to make us feel bad, we're so caught up in, how good it made us feel for so long that we strive and strive for that first initial "high". But, any addict will tell you, you will never reach that high, that you first felt.

As for me, I've poured all the pills in the bottle down the drain, but often go inside the cabinet and stare at the empty bottle and reminisce quickly of how full it use to be with a substance that controlled me. Still have one pill stashed in a secret place, "just in case" and am hoping I don't get it out. But, hey you're always just one pill away from relapsing.

Trust

One of the biggest attributes that we search for whether it be a relationship, friendship or anything else along those lines is TRUST! Trust is a quality that so many demand out of people, but don't always necessarily show that they deserve it.

For the longest I was the type of person that went with the philosophy of trusting everyone, until they gave me a reason not to. I've changed my mind about that perspective some time back now. And while I don't give everyone that trust factor, I do still execute it to some. The funny thing about trust is that as quick as someone has earned it, they can lose it, just as fast. The whole issue of trust makes it completely difficult when trying to find friends or a potential lover. Being that you've already been through so much in the past, you often have already categorized these people into some type of group in your head and have already determined why you don't intend to trust them. We all try not to be guilty of this action but it's very subconcious and natural. I can admit to the fact that I really don't trust many people and can count on one hand the amount of people I'd trust with my most secretive information. It's not that I don't want to, but I can't!

We all have "friends", but how many do you really talk to about ANYTHING that concerns you? I know personally I don't. It's not that I don't necessarily trust them, but then again maybe it is. I have 3 folks in my life that I do feel I can trust to tell anything to and don't have to worry about it going any further, but is 3 out of 9 friends really that great? At times I think I over analyze situations or just see things different from others, nonetheless it generally leads to distrust.

What do you do when you no longer trust a friend? Do you stop dealing with them completely? Keep certain parts of your life from them and continue to be "friends" or what? More than often I choose to remain "friends" and just refrain from releasing anything that I value as confidential information. They'll ask me why don't we talk as much as we use to? Or something to that extent and honestly it's due to me feeling that they've compromised our friendship in one way or another and I don't trust them, point blank. But, is that necessarily the way to go about it? I think we tend to hold onto friendships at times simply because we've become comfortable and may love this person or don't want to hurt their feelings. What about your own feelings? If you can't trust this person, why are they really there? What's the point?

Introducing Duante B.

Wassup World! Just wanted to formally, informally introduce you to myself and my blog. My name is Duante' B., a young, talented, educated and goal oriented black man. I decided to create this blog after being inspired by a friend of mines blog.

I have a passion for writing and use to write and create poetry quite frequently some time ago, but lost the drive somewhere down the road. I've decided to return to one of the things I love the most; writing.

My blog will basically be about me and my thoughts, feelings and perspectives on things, hence the title: Inside The Mind of Duante' B. You will definitely learn a lot about me through my published works on this blog.

Feel free to comment on any of my blogs, as well.