Last Sunday evening, while posted up against a brownstone in New York City, a few friends and I had a conversation about life, goals, aspirations and of course love/relationships. One part of the conversation, specifically stuck out from everything else mentioned and although I read about this awhile ago, it made ten times more sense when hearing it this second time. What one of them said was, "there will always be one mate who loves the other more.".
Most people would relate this person to be the more submissive partner and/or the female in the relationship, but that's not necessarily true. The person who "loves more" isn't characterized by their income, sexual role, educational background or sex. The person who "loves more" can't be put into any kind of categorical theory. They're simply the person who's feelings are more attached and involved with that other individual.
As I stated above, you can not pinpoint who this person is by demographics. However, there are certain traits or behaviors that these people usually possess that let a person know who's more in love out of the two. Below, are some of the signs of the mate who loves the other more:
1. The person who is always willing to forgive and forget, even when they know they're not in the wrong.
2. The person whom is more likely to want and spend time with just their mate, versus hanging out with friends or doing group activities.
3. The person who is always willing to go through the most extreme measures to make their mate happy.
4. The person who has and is willing to sacrifice the most in order to make the relationship work.
5. The person willing to postpone their life plans if needed just to accommodate yours and life for the two of you.
Looking at this list can make you almost scared to want to be in love, but it shouldn't. Most people would probably say that the examples listed above are behaviors of a weak individual or someone who is "whipped", not the case necessarily in every case. Some people are just simply more compassionate, more intimate and more understanding. They're doing what comes natural to them for someone they love. If their mate is doing their part and they're happy, then there's nothing wrong with it.
However, if the mate isn't doing what they're suppose to and the person is not happy then the above can be labeled as signs of weakness. Love is an emotion which has the ability to make a person weak, temporarily. After a certain period of time, its no longer love which is making you weak, but yourself. That's totally different and a whole other subject for another blog.
In no way is this blog meant to put down the mate that loves the other more. In all actuality, I salute you and dedicate this blog to you. You are the glue that hold the pieces together. But, never stop chasing your dreams in order to chase someone.
Well put...and in most cases this can happen when two people are working towards a relationship. But what happens is the person less interested finds those behaviors to be smothering. In this case, the more loving/caring person should start to step back because you don't want your feelings getting hurt for putting too much into someone where it won't be returned.
ReplyDeleteyou know, i really LOVE this post. not only does it speak truth, but it also let's others know that this isn't an uncommon 'issue'. i myself have dealt with this during the majority of my love life (it happens all the time). it's so hard seeing and knowing what's going on, but feel like suppressing those feelings would be the best bet. all of that to avoid a clashing which could possibly become an issue of materialistic things--it's NOT about that.
ReplyDeletei look at the ole school saying: "treat others how you want to be treated", which should be pretty evident. i can't understand how a person can let someone just give their all to the relationship and continue to slack on the investing. there are so many people, preaching about how they want to do this and that for their partner or wants someone who'll be able to give them what they give. however, when it comes to putting that talk into action it slowly becomes non-existent to them once they see their partner is tending to their every want and need.
looking from a bigger perspective i feel that it's all about reality vs fantasy. the fantasy being all these hopes and dreams of something good comes along so they can do all this stuff, yet when reality hits they become lazy. in the end, it hurts like hell and i wish people could just see that.
thank you for sharing this post, i thoroughly enjoyed it and it has opened my eyes even more now.
/an0n...
Interesting topic...After I read this... it shed some light on my past relationship. I'm sitting here thinking that I was the guy who wasn't loving my mate more. All the behaviors you enlisted was actions that my mate was doing. Whats weird was I believe I was actually holding back to see how much would my mate "Love" me due to my past hurt. but was I wrong.....
ReplyDelete