Lovers & Friends

As Ludacris, Lil Jon and Usher's song "Lovers & Friends" happen to start playing on the ipod which I have on random select, it made me begin to think. To think about what was, what is and what could have been. And then I began to wonder, should good friends ever cross over to becoming intimate? It is a huge risk of sacrificing a great friendship, if the relationship or intimate encounters don't work out, right?

I'm a firm believer that if you are attracted to someone, and I don't mean just physically, but emotionally as well then you should take a chance at love. Be sure to understand that I am saying attracted to each other and not you two think each other are attractive. There's a difference. I have attractive friends but rarely am I actually attracted to any. This logic seems to work for me most of the time because of the belief that in order to be a good lover, you need to first be a great friend. To me your lover should be your best friend and be someone that knows everything about you. So you would think that a good friend would be the answer, if you two are attracted to each other. Right? Hmmm...I don't know.

As I stated in the beginning while this good friend that knows you as well as you know yourself seems to be the perfect catch considering the physical, mental, emotional, etc., connection that you'll share with each other. There's the major chance that in the event this doesn't pan out, you will have screwed up a great friendship with this person. And as much as the two of you will try and pretend and act as if it hasn't, it has.

My iPod is a subliminal little bitch at times, because as I'm composing this Deborah Cox featuring RL - "We Can't Be Friends" comes on.

Which brings me to my next point. I'm not sure if you can really remain friends with someone that you are truly in love with or have really truly loved. Time has a way of healing all wounds and in time you'll can become cordial and polite, but friends is a bit much. One of the parties involved in the situation will hold some sort of resentment towards the other. Because as much as one will tell the other they were just as in love with them and the feelings were mutual, they probably weren't on the same levels. After all, you two aren't together for some reason, you didn't just fall madly in love and break up for the hell of it.

Ms. Cox song is so true because until you have honestly gotten completely over someone, a friendship won't work. You will feel some type of way seeing them show someone else a certain amount of attention, have animosity towards new dates of theirs when they've done nothing to you, find yourself getting mad hearing about them dating others, etc. I remember the very first time I went through this, I tried my hardest to cover it up like I was over it and had moved on, only to eventually spazz the fuck out from holding all this end. You may think that you're hiding it, but it shows and doesn't make things any easier.

It's not easy, but there's nothing wrong with taking a break from someone to get yourself back on track. Me and the person I first experienced this little life lesson with are actually now cool once again, but like I said it's never the same. And while I'm on round 2 of this episode, I still believe that a good friend, can make for a great lover. It takes time to have been thought completely through and determining if this attraction is something that will take your friendship to the next level, such as a relationship. If it seems as though it will amount to nothing more than just a fling, it's best for you two to save your good friendship and don't act on the attraction.

A few nights of pleasure, can definitely lead to heartache and pain, if you're not careful. So my only suggestion is make sure it's worth it. Because while it's possible to be lovers and friends, it's a bit less possible to be more than friends and then return to the friends stage.