That DAMN 4 Letter Word!

You guessed it! LOVE! Webster defines love as 1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. 2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

Now while I don't exactly think a dictionary which is man-made and written can tell me what love is, the definitions are close to what I believe it is. Now this blog is not about what love is and what love isn't because to a certain extent it kind of depends upon the person.

This is more about people throwing around the word love and the catch phrase "I love you." I've blogged about a similar subject, which I touched on folks so quick to call folks their "lovers." But, this time around I want to touch on folks being so quick to tell everyone they love them and if they honestly mean it or not.

For instance, a trick as old as my ancestors is someone, generally a guy, telling someone they love them, just to get into their draws or their wallet. There's also those folks who use the phrase "I love you", simply because their mate, partner, shing, date, etc. said it to them first. People! You are not obligated to tell someone that you love them simply because they told you! Also, folks don't be so quick to believe that they love you if the first time you hear "I love you" is during sex, sometimes it can kind of just come out because of the activities taking place. And they don't actually love you but they love what you do! ;) I've been guilty of this one myself, LOL.

One of the reasons this came about is because of a discussion I recently had with someone and as they shared their story about a certain individual and the things they had told them, it sound ALL too familiar. And when I say this I don't say it as like same script, but different cast, I'm saying same script, same actor. So as I listen it kind of threw me for a loop like wow this must be routine for this person and from the looks of things it works everytime.

Moving on I tweeted about a week ago, "is it possible for someone to be IN LOVE with more than one person at a time?" The responses somewhat varied but for the most part it was a majority of "no's!" Personally, I agree! I think you can love more than one person, have love for more than one person, but you can't be "in love" with more than one person, but apparently some can.

Back to the starting point. Why exactly are people so comfortable with using the phrase "I love you?" Do you tend to do more for a person after hearing those words? Do you feel like you have become any closer than you were 5 hours before you first was told that from them? Thoughts and opinions.

Equality

Wassup Folks! It's been a minute since I've came through and have spoke with you'll, but here I am! What I wanted to blog about real quick today is equality. From assumption one would probably think that I'm speaking of equality as far as rights for races, sexes or genders, but this entry is actually about equality when it comes to friendship.

For quite some time now and more-so recently, I've been battling with myself of whether I really actually get back what I put into some of my friendships with people I consider close to me. Are friendships suppose to be completely equal in terms of getting back, what you're putting into them? Should that person be there for you, just as much as you are for them? Is it right that you are always there, on call when they need you, but they can hardly pick up the phone to text, IM or call just to say hey and how are you doing? Do you feel these are things that you should have to address to someone who is supposedly a close friend or is it an unwritten rule?

I find myself often putting up with a lot of BS that the average person wouldn't when dealing with "friends". Friends argue, have disagreements, etc., but at the end of the day they should still be there and any issues you'll have should be resolved between the two of you, correct? I will never understand people that are quick to turn to their next friend and bash the "friend" they aren't getting along with at the time, really don't understand it. But, many times I have rationalized the idea in my head to find a way that made it ok, simply because I didn't want to be "mean" and end a friendship because of comfortbility or because I felt they were an individual that needed me in their life. But, when does it become about self and not your friends? When do you put yourself first? Is it after it's clear that most of the folks around you definitely do, that you decide to do the same?

The easy solution is to cut these people off, because some it almost seems BLATANT that the friendship is very one-sided and is about their needs and you are their shoulder to lean on, but don't look to be offered the same treatment. The hard part is that when you truly love and care about individuals it's just not that easy to let go.

What's your thoughts on this? Should friendships be 50/50 or is there always that's going to give more in the friendship than the other?

Are You Really "In Love" or Just Infatuated?

More than often I hear people using the word "I'm in love with him/her" or "my lover" or "I love..." and this is usually after they've known the person 3-4 weeks and I always wonder how are you sure and how do you know you are in love with someone after such a short period of time? Now, I'm not trying to put a timestamp on how long it takes for someone to fall in love, but I just honestly don't understand how you know someone well enough within a month to know that you are in love with this person. What gets me even more is that when it doesn't work out, these folks generally bounce right back and move on so quickly and repeat this same process right over again.

I truly believe that a lot of people don't understand the difference between being infatuated with someone and being in love with them. They can sometimes be confusing to decipher, but there are ways to tell one from the other. Now I'm not saying that because you have been with this person for a month you are just infatuated with this person and you can't be "in love" with them. Because that's not the case, although I don't believe you're in love with them after a month either. Perhaps you "have love for them", but I doubt you are "in love" with them. Once again this is only my opinion, me personally am not quick to tell someone I love them quick. I remember denying that I loved someone when close friends of mine kept telling me I was in love with them, simply because I wasn't ready to admit it.

Infatuation is this strong emotion that makes you willing to do lots of things for a person and think about them constantly, but it's generally because you are so physically attracted to them and/or your physical sessions. But, besides the physical there is nothing there. If the person was to be burned severly and their image be altered tomorrow, would you still feel that strongly about them and want to BE WITH THEM and not just BE THERE FOR THEM. Once you're in love with someone, you are willing to go to the depths for them and be with them throughout any situation that transpires.

The word "love" in general is thrown around so loosely for some folks that I find it to be funny. I never have been one to just throw the word around for two reasons. One, I realize how powerful that word is and the emotions that it can cause for a person. Two, after seeing the movie "A thin line between love and hate", I wanted no parts of no psycho bitches! LOL. But, seriously though I just think people should evaluate their actual emotions and situation before being so quick to spit out the three words "I Love You". If this person is feeling you, they still will be, whether they hear that from you or not. Don't rush love, let it come natural because regardless of what you think, you can't make yourself love someone. And sometimes it's better off that you don't.

So with that said, think back to your prior dealings and ask yourself were you really in love with that person or were you infatuated with them or just had love for them?

Good Sex vs. Bad Sex

*cues* Salt N Pepa - Let's Talk About Sex

First and foremost, my apologies to my subscribers and readers it's been a minute since I posted. Let's just say maybe I began to get addicted to that drug I blogged about awhile ago, but I'm back. I chose to not post anything too deep tonight, and to save that entry for sometime tomorrow, but I needed to post something. This is a very fun loving topic!

So I've heard my friends and overheard others often talk about the good sex they've had and who has good sex and then I've also heard about those who have just the opposite; bad sex. I remember when I was younger I never really could decipher the difference over what was "good sex" and what was "bad sex", but surely as I got older I learned what was what for me, LOL.

I've asked my friends, what makes sex, good sex? And I've gotten many different responses, such as talking during the session, moans, positions, tightness, wetness, the actions like throwing it back, etc. The one thing many of them didn't mention is the love they have for that person. For some reason that really helps to make sex GREAT to me and plays a major role in my performance. Because if I love that person, I'm gonna try my best to please them to the best of my ability and make them know it. Whereas, if it's on some jumpoff type shyt then I am moreso there to complete my mission of getting mine and being done. Anywho, aside from the love aspect, I do agree that some of those other things I listed above help to make sex "good" sex!

Now I've also asked what can make sex, not so great. And have heard everything from the sound of voice they were moaning and talking in, odors, looseness, tightness, breath, sizes, etc. Once again I can agree with some of these as well. I'll go ahead and be honest and put it out there, I use to couldn't stand talking during sex, it was so porno like to me, LOL. It made it seem less realistic and more scripted or something. BUT, I learned that sometimes you can't help but to talk because the words just start flowing on their own and that's hot! LMAO! Nonetheless, I want to see what you'll have to say so be sure to leave a comment.

What makes good sex and what makes for bad sex to you?

Possession is 9/10s of the Law

Waddup Folks, it's been about a week and I'm due for a new blog entry. This morning I want to talk about possessions and "possessive people" (sometimes known as obsessive people). As I think back to child hood, I can remember... Well actually first let me break down something, which is known to citizens of the U.S. as the 9/10s possession law. According to the U.S. government and it's laws, possession is 9/10s of the law, meaning if you are caught or have something in your possession at the time, then it is yours, unless you can prove otherwise. Funny thing is this works the reverse way, if you are unable to prove that someone has stole, borrowed, etc. something of yours and it's in their possession lawfully it's theirs, sorry to say.

Anyway, back to thinking back to my childhood. As a child I remember my aunts and even my mother at times, getting into it with their childrens' fathers girlfriends or female acquaintances. They often felt that because they were in the picture before the new chick, they had the right or duty to do or say what they wanted. Felt that they were able to go to him for whatever purpose they wanted, when they wanted. Now, to a certain extent I do understand this if and when a child is in the picture because at that point, then there must be some means of communication. But, more than often I noticed lots of females that didn't have babies by these men and still were claiming them as "theirs". I've always found this to be funny seeming as though, they are not the boys mother, nor father so he can't possibly be "yours". I would sit and watch as the bickering between the ex and the current would go back and forth and how silly it really all seemed. The ex had usually moved on and at times even had a new boyfriend, but still found it necessary to want to claim possession over her last boyfriend. I often times wondered how did this make her current boyfriend feel? To know that you are with someone that is so busy meddling in another persons personal life? I at times felt sorry for the girls because I thought that maybe they really were just that in love with them and that they couldn't come to copes with the idea of letting go. But, then their actions always proved that this hypothesis couldn't be possible.

Let me stop for a moment to say I'm not being subliminal at all and these are real life experiences to lead up to my main point at hand.

On with the story... I found that this couldn't be the case because the girls wouldn't have had multiple boyfriends after the ex that "would always be theirs". And in between boyfriends they did what needed to be done to fulfill their sexual needs. So how could they have possibly been so madly and deeply in love with this boy they just couldn't seem to let live his life.

Fast forwarding, it wasn't until recently that I realized that this just isn't a girl issue and some men suffer from this same sickness, yes sickness. A friend of mine, by the name of Ciara tried to tell me that boys do the same thing, they just aren't as obvious, but some definitely are.

I personally have never been be an possessive ex, I tend to go by the saying that “their an ex for a reason.” Whether it be my fault or theirs. I think the possession tends to come in when you are the one that has done wrong and so you are aimlessly looking to rectify and restore the damage in which you have ensued upon the person. Nonetheless, theirs a way that a person should go about it because the wrong way generally only furthermore proves why you are where you're at.

What makes a person feel that they have a hold over someone? Or that, that person is not entitled to move on with their life when they definitely have done so? Is it really they love them that much or is it the fact that they are scared someone will provide them with all the things they neglected to? Are they that selfish that they can't put their own selfish needs to the side? How do you claim someone as yours?

Ladies and gentlemen, please be adults about situations. Communication is key. Usually it can avoid things from becoming unpleasant and unprofessional. If you want to know something, ask. If you have a problem with something, express it, but do so in a tactful manner. People will be much more receptive and you may just find out that they don't even want what's "yours"! ;)

But in ending, if possession is 9/10s of the law and the person isn't in your possession, do you really own them? Think about it.

Positive Energy

I thought I'd take the time to post about something other than love and relationships because there's so much more I want to share. What I've chosen to write about at this time is the importance of surrounding yourself with the likes of positive people.

Many people don't realize the effect that surrounding yourself with positive people can have on your life, as well as the effects being around negative people can have. Growing up everyone wanted to be a part of the "IN" crowd and be around the popular kids. Often times these were some of those most pessimistic and vain people you would ever come across. But, at that age you didn't realize this and wouldn't have cared, you were happy as long as you were being acknowledged by the cool kids.

As I matured I realized that these "cool" people, were often the ones really searching for acceptance. Think about it for a second, they were always cracking jokes at others expense, looking to get a laugh out of the folks watching. They had to have the latest everything, so that they would feel elite. Some even "dumbed" themselves down, so that they wouldn't look like the smart kid because that wasn't considered cool. So while we sat back trying to gain acceptance from the "cool kids", they were all the while trying to gain that same acceptance from us. Trying to be things at times they truly weren't.

After having a few more years of life experiences under my belt, it really came full circle to me. These same folks that are always so negative and nasty are contributing to me not reaching the full potential that I can. The people that you hang around will begin to rub off on you, believe it or not. So if you are surrounding yourself with negative energy and are constantly being exposed to negativity, your thoughts will become just that. But, when you surround yourself with other positive people, people with goals and plans in life, you become motivated and will attempt ventures that you may have never dreamed of. The sky becomes the limit.

I've come to the point in my life where I often will distance myself from certain individuals and will avoid them at all cost because at this point I'm looking to excel and don't need anyone that's going to hinder that intentionally or unintentionally. These folks that are constantly ridiculing and tearing others down are the same folks that aren't happy with themselves. Their constant comments of others flaws are used to camouflage thier own insecurities. They're bitter and don't want to see anyone else happy and if you allow them to do so, they'll turn you into a person just like them.

This was not suppose to be a long entry lol. Anywho, bottom line is... surround yourself with positive people that are doing things, planning to do things and have a positive outlook on life. As long as you breathe in negativity, you will be hindered from your full potential. In the words of AJ Calloway, "Love, Live, Life!"

Microwave Relationships

We as humans are in such a need for instant gratification that often times we are rushing for the quickest solution. One of the biggest areas that we often fall victim to this, is with relationships. Everyone wants to love and be loved, but doesn't want to take the time that needs to be put in. I hear people often talking about their "husband" or their "wife" and have only known these folks for 1 or 2 months. This amazes me. What I find even more disturbing is the ones that have fallen "in love" within that 1 to 2 month span of time. I really just don't understand it. People want that feeling of comfort to the point that they are willing to skip right pass the step of actually getting to know the person. They have sex or talk on the phone for a week and the next thing you know, they're a couple. What do you really know about this person that soon? A relationship is not as simple as a rice, you can't just add water! Or in this case, just add another human.

I look at people that are constantly in and out of relationships one after the next and it's no surprise because when have they actually taken the time to get to know these folks. Every week you hear them talking about "my man", or seeing a yahoo tag giving "blahzay blah with my baby". And it's like, who is it this week? Like really? I mean it is one thing to be grown and go into something with the initial intent of, "it is, what it is". If you are just looking to get ya rocks off, tell the person that, they probably are thinking the same. Everyone feels they have to be in a relationship to have sex. Sure that's a great philosophy, but everyone isn't built for that. And at the end of the day, when your relationship is over anyway in 2 weeks, what did you have besides sex in the end! Just be upfront! It's almost like females getting married, simply because they're pregnant. Don't set yourself up, simply because society tells you it's the "right" thing to do.

Long-lasting, healthy relationships are usually those that took time to be devloped; i.e. dating for an extended period of time, getting to actually know each other more than just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. By doing these things you learn enough about the person ahead of time, to know if you should be taking that next step to actually form a relationship. I too have been a victim of this jumping into a relationship thing, scared that if I didn't snatch them up then, someone else might get them. When in reality, if it was meant to be, I shouldn't have had anything to worry about.

I can honestly say that I've learned a lot over the past few months and will definitely make smarter decisions in the future. It took me being on both sides of the fence to understand exactly what I was going about wrong. I jumped into a relationship with someone and was lucky enough for it to be someone that would have actually gave me the world. But, I wasn't prepared or ready for that. I can admit that now. They're a great person, but as time went by I seen they weren't the one for me. In the end they were hurt, well me too, but moreso them because I couldn't do it. Had I took the time to actually get to know the person ahead of time, I would have discovered that we probably weren't for each other and would have been better off remaining friends like it originally started.

I get hit on fairly often and asked about dating, etc. And while most of the time I do decline, generally because I'm not feelings the person. But, more recently because I'm trying to actually take the time to get over the last person. I still take into consideration some of the people who ask and while at the time I'm saying "no", I don't necessarily count the person out for in the future. But, it's hilarious that within a day or so of me saying, "no", I can hear, "such and such are dating." And it makes me happy that I didn't give it a chance, cause it's like well I was just one of many their interested in. Not saying I feel someone should put their life on hold for me, but if you are coming to me talking about you're "really feeling me", "have so much love for me", etc., I could go on for days. Well then I don't expect to hear days or a week from me saying, "no, not right now" that you are doing whatever with X,Y and Z. Because nine times out of 10 something was already there when you just was trying to get at me a week ago.

Relationships take time, period! You can't jump into these quick relationships because someone is sexy, they have money, a car, etc. Because in the end, it won't mean anything and you'll be single again. Either because they found the next person which is sexier than you or has the bigger bank roll or you did. Get to know the person truly, for who they are inside and out. Now once that has been done and you could actually sit down and tell that person things about them, that they wouldn't even think you could and vice versa and you'll still are feeling each other, then maybe that next step should be taken.

So basically as long as you continue to jump straight into these relationships after a week or two of dating, you'll end up single wondering why things never work out. Think of a relationship more like cooking a turkey; you have to remove all the excess baggage first, then prep it, add the different ingredients to fit your style and taste, let it bake in the oven for x amount of time, and then finally it's ready to be ate!